Watson Plate - Eastbourne Downs GC: October 2014

Another excellent and slightly bizarre weekend !! Each time we meet up there is a different dynamic, something out of the ordinary occurs, there is exceptional golf and some of the worst golf ever to disgrace a course. Well, this was another fantastic weekend at the office.

THANKS !!

First of all, let us get the thank you's out there......

To Colin Morris, who yet again arranged matters with the golf course, chose another splendid venue (for the third time) and also procured the wonderful new Palermo Verrico polo tops.

Eastbourne Downs probably had the best setting of any course yet, the views were incredible - 30 miles along the coastline from Beachy Head to Dungeness (they provided binoculars in the dining room/conservatory for the full effect while drinking post comp). The meal was great and the "live action" CCTV broadcast of the 18th Green and approach into the bar was the first time we had become TV stars like Rory (or, actually, more like his grannie Moira.....).

Colin is currently dealing with the second order for shirts, they are excellent ( the school suppliers have produced a quality product at a really good price). BUT Mr Morris is a Maths teacher and a useless git. He got one persons initials wrong, seemingly because he spells Wright with an F. Hence my shirt announces me as GVF - in other words Gladys Violet Ffitch. Fair enough. Sparking a competition on the day for what the initials really stood for. I can't even remember the winning entry, but I do remember Gwyn Williams coming up with a better one in the car park after the meal was over. Gil's Very Fat, Gil's Victory Fiddles etc were really not acceptable, even if true. "Golfs Very Finest" sounds about right......

To Sam Marston, who for some strange reason appears to have gone on a shoplifting spree at American golf and single-handedly provided quality prizes far beyond the general tat we know and love. Thanks Sam.Enjoyed having a drink with her on the Friday night , she is a funny lady. And married to a winner....

To Julie Morris, for again running the Hotel Julie like a five star Californian crash-pad for dissolute rock stars. Please take a year off and come to Canterbury.

THE COMPETITION

Firstly a warm welcome to four new players we hope will test themselves and get their names on all the trophies. Gwyn Williams, Ivan Baker, Mark Ingram and Chris Reardon made their debuts, all played well and all made an impact. The weather was dry and a little windy (enough wind when you are on the downs overlooking the English Channel..) and the course was in good condition. So, the results and performances in reverse order......

THE PLANT POTS - Dave Plant, Mike White and Mark Ingram. DISQUALIFIED, incorrect card.

This lot were the favourites when the draw was made, tee'd off first and were clearly a class act. Dave was defending his title, Mike looking for another win. They started poorly with two 6's and were down the pack with a 45 first nine. But were imperious on the back nine, reeling off 5-5-4-4-3-4-4-5-4 .

Unfortunately this adds up to 38. Whereas the retired engineer and the current maths teacher added it up to 37. I have no idea what Mark does for a living, but I suspect he is an astrophysics professor specialising in higher mathematics. Come to think of it he may have been taught Maths by Mr Morris - which explains a lot...? To be fair Mark is the innocent victim, he trusted his experienced team Captain and assistant ( now known as Abbott and Costello..).

I apologise wholeheartedly for the role I played in this fiasco. Having been given the last two cards just before we sat down to eat I checked the tee shots were correct and that the front and back nines were added correctly. Lesson learned. We will arrange for each hole score to be crosschecked from now on. Having thought carefully and taken advice we decided it was only fair and right to change the result - I know Dave and Mike wouldn't want to sneak it without the true glory. Plus they had bottles of wine to celebrate, had their pictures taken for the website, basked in the glory of favourites coming good - and now someone else has to pay for the bloody engraving !!

THE CUBAN HEALS - John Kullman, Doug Heal and Vicki Rose. 88

All teams were within 6 shots of each other and this team had an excellent back nine of 41 and could have been even better if they hadn't finished 6 and 6. It was the slow start that did them in, they never had a disaster hole, just not enough pars. I did witness a wonderful shot of Vicki's into one of the greens and some impressive long hitting from Doug and John. Vicki did win her first prize, the Shortest Drive, by moving the ball slightly backwards after the tee departed. A degree of skill akin to Mr Phillips's talent at burying the ball 4 inches into the turf....

THE STONED ROSES - Chris Langridge, Chris Rose and Gwyn Williams . 87

44 out and 43 in.. solid golf ruined by a 7 on the 15th and a 5 on the par 3 12th. Started well and were leading after 5 holes. A decent team that on another day or with better putting could have won it.

THE MORRIS DANCERS - Ivan Baker, Colin Morris and Martin Blincow. 86

Another dangerous team on paper. This was Ivan's home course and Colin and Blincs are iron players who hit low and play well in windy conditions. A 5-6-6 slowish start finally cost them. In the end five 6's were too much to actually win it. On a day when there weren't many birdies flying around they got one on the 13th. Colin was one of the few to hit the 12th green (the Nearest the Pin) and was pipped to the Fuller Trophy by about a foot by a magnificent and legendary golfer (er.....better known as Gladys Violet Ffitch, revenge is sweet baby....).

ROWE OF HOUSES - Dave Rowe, Gil Wright and Fay Wright. 85

Second place and maybe a missed opportunity. When the draw was made I wasn't sure a 400 mile plus round trip to play with the wife was such a good deal. Then Dave became Marriage Guidance Counsellor for the day, and by the time we tee'd off I had realised that by accident we had a good team. Fay and I know what we can and can't do with a golf club and Dave is a triple winner and Palermo "star". Sure enough we started well, I apologise again to Barry for my approach shot to the first nearly going into his pocket, we birdied the 5th and dealt with the long par 5 7th better than anyone.

After nine holes we were winning. Fay was smiley and we were calling Dave "Switzerland" because of the great job he was doing in regards to neutrality. In the end this team didn't quite make it because of too many duff chips and some awful putting by Fay and Gil. In contrast Dave became the "go to" putter, sinking every important putt we had. We thought he might win the Longest Drive, but he smashed it 15 yards into the heather and cabbages. BUT, the moment I had coveted, the Nearest the Pin, magnificent Fuller Trophy, finally came home to Daddy!! It took the driver and a serious smash into the wind to wrestle it from Colin's grasp, a good job too because Dave had brained a sheep in the field behind and Fay's ball was in Brighton.

THE NO ACCOUNTS - Rich Marston, Chris Reardon and Barry Fuller. 82

WINNERS!!! Official Winners!!! Deserved Winners!!!

On a difficult blustery day this was a very good total, made by the back nine 38. No countback needed. Without disqualification they won by 1 shot fair and square. They shot 1 birdie and 9 pars. They even had time to try and destroy the green keeper's hut, with rocket assaults on its roof and walls. Even more remarkable they had used up all of Chris's tee shots by the 11th hole.

The rumour before the start was that this course may produce a record, but it never looked like that out there.Low 80's is very solid golf. It is about team - as long as one of you does the business it is possible for the other two to kill passers-by. Not only was Chris Reardon a winner first time out (and driver of the debut boys team bus...) BUT also won the new Trophy for the Longest Drive, a solid brass husband killer from herein to be known as The Stabworthy Trophy.

Have to mention that Fay came second with little help from the ladies tee - guess it is a lesson on hitting the fairway! Anyway, well done to Rich (now a multiple winner), Barry ( a first-timer who has been working on his golf) and Chris (who also impressed with his drinking skills at the Friday night draw). So Chris, get that awful trophy off Mark (swop him the shirt that doesn't fit you?), Dave give your awful trophy to Rich in April. Mike - give Barry your trophy and the Watson Plate for the real winners names to go on there. I know, this never happens at the Masters. But hey, this is about socialising, seeing each other and laughing at the absurdities of life on and off the course. There has to be a story.

Well done everyone. Great to see Bish on the Friday night. He is going to make a comeback. Can't wait.

Gil