Watson Plate Cranbrook Golf Club - October 2016

When Mr Morris tells you he has found the perfect course for the Palermo competition you want to believe him. Seaford Head was great. Wellshurst was great. But he also worships Beauport Park GC, which is not technically a golf club but the Royal Marine Training Base for operations in northern Sweden. So on arrival at Cranbrook we found the clubhouse resembles a Swedish Sauna and there were more trees than Washington State USA. Narrow fairways. Not a design for long hitters.

But we have learned over the last 10 years that predicting a winner is now very difficult. In this case finding a winner was down to the finest margins. All is revealed below, but from the outset we have to applaud Alex Jasper's performance, because it was probably the most complete all round display of golf in any of our competitions.

THE MORRIS DANCERS = 94
Colin led a family team out and that in itself is a wonderful thing to do. In the very first tournament the Westwoods played together but this was the first time since 2006 a clan had made up one of the teams. Tom Morris was back from Swansea for the weekend and relative Joe Howells was roped in to complete the DNA. Unfortunately Joe was in some nightclub until about 3am the night before and arrived on the first tee looking as if he had been buried and hastily dug up again. Full marks for immediately understanding the Palermo spirit. A pity because he looks a decent golfer when vertical.
They started okay, 4-5-5-4-4 was impressive. But two 7's and the odd tee issue did for them.

THE WRIGHT STITCH-UPS = 92
Having stayed at Carnoustie the previous week on an intensive golf boot camp both Wrights had high hopes. Only to find they had to form a team of 2 on a course where straight driving and selection really mattered. It was agreed to have 9 drives each to count, but life became a struggle when they had to use 7 of Gil's 9 on the front nine. The usually reliable Fay off the tee decided to go orienteering in the woods looking for mushrooms and Hansel and Gretel's cottage. After nine holes they stopped to phone Relate and draw up an outline divorce settlement. Both parties wanting to leave their golf clubs to the other. In which case they reluctantly agreed to remain married.

CHRIS-CROSSES = 87
This team was captained by Chris Reardon (on his way to a Dead Kennedys concert in London), with Chris Langridge (on his way to a prison riot in any of Her Majesty's hotel chains) and defending champion Pete Barnett. Mr Barnett won the award for best dressed/classiest golfer, paying homage to Arnold Palmer with a retro-sixties suave cool chic. A 7 and a 6 on the back nine placed them out of contention. But this was the team Steve McQueen would have joined if he was alive.

ROWE OF HOUSES = 84
Dave Rowe, Martin Blincow and Chris Rose. A very solid performance. Scoring 41 out and 43 back it was two 6's in the last three holes that prevented them from taking the trophy. Given Dave's ability to hit a long way this may not be the ideal course for him, whereas Martin likes iron play and his strength is hitting straight. It all worked well and they could easily have won.

SIX STRINGS (MUNS'N'ROSES AND ALEX) = 83
Despite avoiding having to engrave the Watson Plate on countback it was this team's day. Alex was incredible. I saw his Nearest the Pin shot, with its cut and spin back. Witnessed his Longest Drive shot. A comfortably 300 yards off two oak trees and six inches onto the fairway. He won both. Ably supported by Callum Munro and Vicki Rose they coasted to a 40 on the front nine and only 7 on the very last hole stopped Alex having the first clean sweep in Palermo history. His handicap will have a good kicking before the North v South games! But well played Callum. You deserve your name on that trophy, next time! Count back is a cruel way to lose.

JACKS AND ACES = 83
Jack Munro, Gwyn Williams and Richard Marston. Their 42 on the back nine won the day on countback by one shot. Strangely the two top teams were the worst performers on the 18th because this team also clocked a 7, their worst of the day. Gwyn was due his name on the trophy, Gil and Roz having let him down in April. Richard is quietly accumulating wins and this was impressive on a course that was tight and maybe naturally doesn't suit his long game. Jack does it again. Another handicap kicking due. Well done Champions.

AFTERMATH
There was a dash to The Three Chimneys down the road by most players, a legendary hostelry. Then in the evening the back bar of the Queens Head at Icklesham was commandeered. The none golfing walking wounded joined in what was another hilarious Viking session. But we missed some of our regulars (Mr Phillips) and managed to give the Bromley Mafia the slip (I blame Mr Morris he blames me, Chris blames both of us) .