Dale Hill Golf Club - October 21st 2017

Well this was a classic on so many fronts!
First of all “Storm Brian” – the official name of the fading hurricane that made land in Sussex during the exact hours of this competition.
Secondly, “Storm Brian” – the official name of Brian Fuller, Barry’s American nephew who had flown in from St Louis to play.
Thirdly, the Ian Woosnam Course, holes 600 yards plus, water, lashing rain, 50 mph winds.
Fourthly, illegal Mezcal (more later).

TEAMS IN ORDER OF TEE-OFF

THE LOST FLYERS = 95
Gwyn Williams, Colin Morris and Vicki Rose. A solid performance. Gwyn clearly controlled the tee shots well and they were 5 shots better on the back nine. Three 7's on the 6th, 8th and 11th stopped them getting nearer victory. The irony being they did well on the long holes.

ARGONAUTS = 91
Jason Hutton, Chris Langridge and Martin Blincow. Many of us thought this score would win it. They went out in 44 and back in 47. They really only had 3 poor holes, including a 7 on the first. They did produce 4 pars and a string of 4's and 5's.

GROUCHO, CHICO AND HARPO = 107

Just the course and the weather to take a man who has had his second knee replacement and an American who hasn’t really played golf and a flask of home made Mezcal.
Gil Wright, Barry Fuller and Brian Fuller.

Brian borrowed clubs and clothes and shoes. He announced himself on the first tee by smashing it at ninety degrees, hitting a post, a sign and ricocheting 30 yards back towards the clubhouse past the carts and queueing golfers. This wins the “Can It Get Any Worse Award” for first tee shots. The hole which already measured 602 yards became 638 yards by Gil's splendid golf watch distance GPS.

Infact, we created several records. We went BACKWARDS off the tee a total of 4 times, sometimes by only an inch or two, but nevertheless, backwards isn’t good. By hole 3 the Fullers were begging me to surrender and go back to the bar. Foolishly I stood in the howling wind and horizontal rain giving my Henry V speech, reminding them of Dunkirk and that indomitable spirit that built an Empire. Barry waited until I finished and turned to Brian and muttered “Tosser”.

By the back nine and a queue of Barry's tee shots growing longer in their absence we were desperate. Barry couldn’t hold the club because of his hands, so let go on the back swing nearly taking Gil's head off. Brian muttered about the Texas Book Depository and President Kennedy.

BUT, we did have a flask of illegally brewed mescal that Fays niece had brought over from Mexico (think Tequila and double it), Barry did land a beautiful shot on the green on the 10th, and weirdly this useless mob actually were the second best team on the par 3 holes. Anyone for pitch and putt?

JACKS AND ACES = 100

Jack Munro, Fay Wright and Chris Rose. Fair to say they struggled on the back nine when they had to get 5 tee shots out of Chris. Fay's had been used by the 10th. On this course tee failure was fatal. Their last 5 holes accounted for 34 shots, all triggered by tee failure. They had started well over the first two hours, but probably unravelled following the cowboys infront. By the time this lot arrived in the bar the Marx brothers had been drinking for 50 minutes!

PALE RIDERS = 89

Chris Reardon, John Kullman and Spencer Toby. This was Spencer's debut in the worst weather ever played in and the soles came off his shoes (must be from the same shop as Paul Mountford?). A score of 89 on this course in these conditions, truly a great performance. Normally a winning performance. 6 pars in total. 42 out. A 7 on the 14th the only real sign of a slip. You cannot achieve this score without all three playing well. Hope Spencer is not scarred for life by the experience.

HIGH NOTES = 84

Alex Jasper, Richard Marston and Clive Ellis. This is nowhere near the record score but given the course and conditions must be the best all round performance ever. It is now the biggest margin of victory. Even more so because this score includes two 7's. But seven pars and only 40 shots on the front nine don’t lie. Alex spread the tee shots evenly and left himself the difficult 17th and 18th. An all round masterclass. This is also Richard's 5th victory drawing level with Gil and going ahead of Dave Rowe (bragging rights). Clive did this with borrowed clubs from the Rose family. Respect.

Due to Kev Westwood and Clare Kapur holding the Nearest the Pin and Longest Drive trophies hostage they had a competition off ! In these conditions though it would have been more Russian Roulette. Saturday night in the FILO was great, absolutely what this is all about. Clive partied like the winner he is, Rich had a permanent “told you so” smile. He also rescued the fat lad by arranging a team bus.

Many thanks again to Col who organised it and to Mrs Rose and Mrs Morris for their patience and luxurious accommodation.